Weed-Eaters May Cause Anal Leakage

Weed-Eaters May Cause Anal Leakage
By Dan Cheek
13 July 2006
© Dan Cheek 2006

(Editors Note: This first appeared on my MySpace blog on 19 April 2006. It can be seen in
it’s original form at

Bob (the Sock Puppet): Hey, I need to borrow like twenty dollars.

Sam: No. Besides, I think its illegal to give money to Sock Puppets.

Bob: First of all, yes, it is illegal to give Sock Puppets money. Second, they never actually enforce the law. And third, I really need the money. C’mon.

Sam: Even though the thought terrifies me, I’ll ask anyway. What do you need twenty dollars for?

Bob: Fair question. Even though I don’t want to answer it, because it will terrify you, I’ll tell you anyway. I need the money to buy tampons for the pizza delivery person.

Sam: The Pizza Guy is a, um, a guy. I don’t think he needs any tampons.

Bob: Well, not to argue, but I’m pretty sure he does. He’s having his period. Loosing MASS amounts of blood. If I don’t get him some tampons, he’ll soon be dead.

Sam: ……

Bob: Okay, okay. To make a long story short, I accidentally lodged a weed-eater up his ass. And now he’s having his period.

Sam: …….

Bob: Okay, okay. It wasn’t a pure accident in the traditional sense. More of an experiment. I was just playing around with the thing after I got it running, which was no easy task considering I don’t have any hands, and I thought to myself, “Hey, I wonder if I this thing would continue to run if I stuck it up the Pizza Guy’s ass.” Well, it did.


Bob: Right. So, can I borrow twenty dollars for those tampons?

Sam: Maybe you should go call 9-1-1 and get a friggin’ ambulance!

Bob: No, he’s well beyond their help. Traditional medicine can no longer help the poor man. We need the dark-magic healing powers of the Tampons.

Sam: Shut up. Is this guy bleeding to death on or about my property? Is he, like, in the bathroom or in the front yard?

Bob: No. He’s over in the neighbor’s yard. He was in the process of delivering their pizza when he had the accident.

Sam: You mean when you shoved a running weed-eater up his ass.

Bob: Whatever you want to call it. Anyway, I need to go buy those Tampons before it’s too late.

Sam: FINE! But when the police come to ask me about this, and they will, I will kill you before they arrest me. And they will.

Bob: Okay. Thanks for the money. HANG ON PIZZA GUY! TAMPONS ARE EN ROUTE!

Sam: Hey. Wait. Tampons don’t cost twenty dollars.

Bob: True. But I was gonna get you another spool of string for the weed eater. The stuff that’s on there now is….unusable.

Sam: Go….


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