Today, February 29th, Leap-Day; our good friend and puppet master left for Europe. In his place, he has left Rob “The Rev” Bresser to manage the SPFH empire. Rob is a Soberphobic, narcissist who randomly falls down and occasionally screams at small children. Pray. Pray hard for all of us!
Archive for February, 2008
Today, I will be interviewing Bob, one of the four Sock Puppets From Hell. Bob is often described as the “leader” of the Sock Puppets and also as the least insane. Hopefully, by the end of the interview, we’ll have a better idea of who Bob is and what makes him tick.
SPFH: Bob, you probably get this question a lot, but what’s it like going through life as a Sock Puppet?
Bob: First off, I really don’t get that question a lot. You’re actually the first to ask. As for what it’s like being a Sock Puppet, well, it’s not all that bad. Except when I get chased by dogs and homicidal clowns.
SPFH: Homicidal clowns?
Bob: Hasn’t the “Kill Smile” story been released yet? Oh, no I guess it hasn’t. Well, when it is released, you’ll understand.
SPFH: I see. Moving on, you are often referred to as the “leader of the Sock Puppets From Hell.” How did you obtain that role?
Bob: I’m just a lucky fucking guy, I guess. Seriously, though, it’s just something I fell into. Plus, when you consider the mental capacities, or lack thereof, of the other three maniacs I pal around with, it’s not all that hard to figure out. I see myself, however, not so much as a leader but more as a parent type figure for the other Puppets.
SPFH: So, as a parent, do you consider yourself a failure?
Bob: Explain that.
SPFH: Well, Doctor Sanity routinely blows things up, causes millions of dollars worth of collateral damage, and could be considered one of the most destructive characters in all of history. Lost Cause is a drug addled, over medicated, mentally damaged shell of a Sock Puppet who pals around with a homeless drunk. And Goblin, well Goblin has killed more people than Tony Montana did in Scarface.
Bob: I blame television. And rap music.
SPFH: Rap music made Goblin eat a pizza delivery guy?
Bob: I think we’re done here.
SPFH: And did television make Doctor Sanity unleash a remote controlled flying chainsaw on a Mime convention?
Bob: You can blame the television show, Doctor Quinn: Medicine Woman for that. And, yes, we are done here. I’m leaving.
Please join us in two weeks as we sit down with Doctor Sanity. You can read all about Bob and the other Sock Puppets From Hell by checking out the Sock Puppet Story Page. All for now.
“Pinky” is a pair a pink trauma shears, belonging to a guy named Van who works in a hospital. One day, a group of soulless, evil terrorists kidnapped Pinky. They made this video and posted it online.
You might ask yourselves why would anyone “kidnap” a pair of trauma shears. Good question. You might also ask how we, at SockPuppetsFromHell.com obtained this video. Another good question. Just watch the damn video and stop asking questions.
George Major, a long time member of the Sock Puppet Staff, has moved to Raleigh, North Carolina. The rest of us poor, drunken idiots are (for the moment) staying here in blustery, cold, dreary, oppressive Pennsylvania. Actually it’s not all that bad, I just like to complain. At any rate, I and the rest of the Puppet Staff would just like to take a moment to wish George good luck.
George has helped us make countless videos, served as a Sock Puppet operator, dressed up like a ninja, and has scared little children many times over with his “Bernie the Terrorist” character. He’s also helped us drink more beer and alcohol than we care to remember, has thrown up on just about all of us, and has served as the butt of more jokes than he probably deserved.
George, now a Southerner, will still play an active role on the Sock Puppet Staff. He just won’t be able to throw up all over our homes or pass out so we can draw on him. Hopefully, he’ll get bored from all the lack of drunken, sock puppet wielding idiots busting on him and will come back and visit us soon and frequently. You can contact George by sending email to George@sockpuppetsfromhell.com.
“Clouds Made Yesterday Meant Chill Stuck Aroundly”
This headline, obviously written by someone who was either horribly drunk or in the middle of a seizure, is possibly the most fucked up thing I’ve seen all day. And considering the things I’ve seen today, that’s saying a lot.
“Teacher’s Aide Who Had Hotel Party Quits”
What do you do if you’re a former exotic dancer and current teacher’s aid, working with special ed kids? Throw a hotel party, complete with crack cocaine, used condoms, beer, and weed and invite a bunch of high school kids! BRILLIANT!
“28 Year Old Man Charged with Cruelty to Animals”
A Florida man was arrested for “cruelty to animals” after he yelled obscenities at a police dog. STOP IT!
Artwork by: Dan Cheek
Last night, the 80th annual Academy Awards were held in Hollywood. For the 8oth time, the Academy COMPLETELY ignored the Midget Porn genre. How can you have a movie award ceremony and not even mention, let alone honor, all of the hard working, highly talented midget porn stars out there? I mean, Norbit was nominated for an award, but NOT ONE SINGLE MIDGET PORNO? WTF, Hollywood?
Anyway, in case you were boycotting watching the show as a sign of solidarity with the Midget Porn Star Union, here’s what happened.
Best Picture: No Country for Old Men
Best Director: Ethan and Joel Coen, “No Country for Old Men”
Best Actor: Daniel Day Lewis, “There Will Be Blood”
Best Actress: Marion Cotillard, “La Vie en Rose”
Best Supporting Actor: Javiar Bardem, “No Country for Old Men”
Best Supporting Actress: Tilda Swinton, “Michael Clayton”
Best Screenplay: Diablo Cody, “Juno”
Best Animated Feature: Ratatouille
So, there you have it. No midget porn, as I said, but what can you do? Maybe next year…