Martial LawMartial LawFinally, my time has come!  My first declaration as the newly appointed Sock Puppet Guru is to name my self Supreme Chancellor of All Things.  You’re welcome.  Worship me as you would an angry pizza delivery guy; only more!  My first decree as Supreme Chancellor is to impose martial law on all things Internet or Sock Puppet related.  Any who oppose my rule will be punished to the utmost extreme of my fury.  I’m talking Jimmy Kicks here people.  If Sandman whines about not being paid enough; a swift kick in the Jimmy for him.  If (ch)EEK thinks he’s going to re-assume control when he returns; a quick kick in the Jimmy for him.  When George comes back to PA for a visit and decides to get piss-drunk on O’Douls; BANG!  Kicked in the Jimmy.  If Gamelord thinks, for even a second, that he’s not going to bring me another drink; BOOM! He gets beheaded.  (My power, though great, is still limited to three Jimmy kicks per day.  Damn republicans.) Prepare for my rule.  I’m strict, but fair.  You will be entertained.  I promise you this.  I will raise taxes to pay for my booze and a new boat.  There will be hell to pay for anyone who stands in our way.  There will be beer in every refrigerator, and a Sock Puppet on every website!  God bless The Sock Puppet Empire, and God bless you!

P.S.  I am currently looking to employ any one who can assist me in the construction of tiny robot spiders.  You can send your Martial Lawrésumé here:  Rob@sockpuppetsfromhell.com


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