The Meaning of Easter…

Zombie jesus

In an effort to impart as much wisdom as I can to the readers of this website, today I will explain to all of you the true meaning of Easter. Take notes as necessary, as this is a very complex and confusing subject.

A long time ago, Jesus came back to life, after being killed, as a zombie. Wandering the Holy Land, in search of brains and man flesh, he came across the Twelve Apostles. After he ate nine of them, and was preparing to do the same to the remaining three, a massive, mutant bunny came along and cut Zombie Jesus’s head off, thus ending his unholy rein of terror. The three surviving Apostles were so thankful for being saved by the huge, mutant rabbit that they used their super-secret Apostle power to create a holiday in honor of the event.

Now, every year, this huge, mutant rabbit (now known as the Easter Bunny), comes around to all of our houses, while we sleep. His original purpose for doing this was to make sure there were no zombies walking around, and if there was, he would cut their heads off. Recently, however, the Easter Bunny has become addicted to methamphetamines and whino pee. As a result, it is not uncommon for the Easter Bunny to burglarize homes, using the loot to fund his drug and pee addictions.

And that is the true story of Easter. Feel free to address all hate mail and death threats to Dan Cheek, the author of this post. Thank you.



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