Archive for May, 2008

The Hardcore Champ: Recent Developments

Posted in Hardcore Champ Saga with tags , , , , , , on May 28, 2008 by Rob Sandman

We recently received an anonymous letter from an individual who only identified himself as “The Skinny Man.”  This individual claims that he is outraged by the incident involving the self proclaimed “Hardcore Champion” and his violation of our unsuspecting camera man.  His letter also stated that he will grant an exclusive interview to the sock puppets staff when he is ready to reveal himself.  Our attempts to try and track the origins of the letter were unsuccessful (there was no return address on the letter.  What do you people expect?  We’re a bunch of nuts who drink…A LOT…sometimes way too much.)

Rory Root: Gone Too Soon

Posted in And in Other News... with tags , , , on May 19, 2008 by Dan Cheek

Rory Root, owner of Comic Relief (one of the greatest and most famous comic shops in the world), died today.  As every member of the Sock Puppet Staff is a die-hard comic book fanatic, this loss hits each of us directly in our blood pumpers.  Mr. Root represented everything that was great and amazing about comics.  His excitement for comic books, and the people who collected them, was legendary.  Our world just got quite a bit darker, tonight.

And in Other News 15 May 2008…

Posted in And in Other News... with tags , , , , , , , on May 15, 2008 by Dan Cheek

Extra Extra

Palm Beach Gardens Man Accused of Sexually Assaulting 2 Dogs
Yep.  Some guy, from Florida, who lives with his mother, has been having sex, multiple times, with two dogs.  The worst part of this is that in Florida, that kind of thing isn’t illegal.  Florida: Home to Disney World and people who fuck dogs.

Hubby Tries to Flog Wife on Ebay
A British man has put his wife up for sale on Ebay.  Apparently, he believes his wife is cheating on him and wants to sell her to the highest bidder.  Paul Osborn accuses his wife of being a “cheating, lying, adulterous slag of a wife.”  The bidding for the “slag of a wife” has reached almost $1,000,000.

Woman Accused of Faking Cancer to Avoid Work
Hey, whatever works.

The Hardcore Champ: Revealed

Posted in Hardcore Champ Saga with tags , , , , , on May 13, 2008 by Rob Sandman

 

Our crack I.T. Team has managed to recover the entire video footage that was captured by our field correspondent (who according to our sources is still recovering).  Details are still sketchy at this time about the individual known only as “The Hardcore Champion” but we have finally confirmed his existence.  A copy of this video has been sent to experts for review to try and determine the identity of the Hardcore Champ and to also identify an unknown individual who was seen very briefly in the background of the video.  Our camera man was unaware of any other person on the scene but the video footage does in fact confirm that someone else was there.  We here at the Sock Puppet Staff are committed to uncovering this story and will bring you more information as events unfold.

DISCLAIMER: We at SockPuppetsFromHell.com would like to take a minute to warn you of the graphic nature of this footage and advise that no child under the age of 2 should view this video.

 

Somewhere out there, Jack Thompson is Crying

Posted in Game Lord with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2008 by gamelord

Unless you either live under a rock, or have a chronic fear of the Internet, you know that Grand Theft Auto IV was released on all major consoles. This game has been met in the usual fashion for a GTA game: Incredible admiration and excitement from fans, blame for all the ills of society by people like Jack “The Worlds Biggest Douche-bag” Thompson and the media. Uptight pricks aside, Grand Theft Auto IV is an amazing experience and should be played by anyone who enjoys gaming.

Italian mafia: double check. Black gangster: check. This time around players take control of Serbian, Niko Bellic as he searches for the man who betrayed his army unit. Players will scour the revamped Liberty City(New York), and yes players of GTAIII will still remember the feel of Liberty city, even with it receiving a bit of an overhaul. During their time in the city Niko will meet a wide array of colorful and, at times, amusing characters to take on jobs for ranging from races, bank heists, to murder of rivals.

The series has made a lot of big changes this time around, toning down the humor and putting an almost inordinate amount of detail. Covering everything from locked cars, paying tolls, to actually climbing out of cars that are flipped, GTAIV is amazingly realistic and detailed. The graphics, though aren’t as visually breathtaking as some other games due to come out, are still trully awe-inspiring. Even the people have a surprising amount of detail int hem, in and out of cut-scenes that really makes you appreciate the work Rockstar put in.

The controls have been tweaked and refined but remain true to the classic GTA style, making it easy to pick this game up and play it right from the get-go. However players will have to be a bit more careful in their wheelings and dealings, running through toll booths on the bridges will get the cops after you instantly. However Rockstar added a nifty feature that makes getting from point A to B nice and quickly: You can actually hail a taxi and go to important locations or waypoints you set up. To really drive the point of realism and detail home, players can now make calls on their cell phones, calling up NPCs they’d met and establish friendships and relationships with them resulting in various perks and bonuses like weapons or a taxi whenever you need it.

Now of course it’s not all glitz and glam…you also get to kill the shit out of a lot of people. Honestly, isn’t that why we all play GTA? The targeting system stays true and simple, easy to pick up, not as easy to master. I find it helps to think how every person I kill in the game pisses off Jack Thompson a little more.

Controversy aside, Grand Theft Auto IV is a very good, solid, and fun game. Personally, I’m not crazy about shooting and more ‘real’ games, but GTA is fun, no denying it. There’s also no denying that you’re probably sick of reviews and adds for it. But, I’m here to review games, and I’d be stupid not to review one like GTAIV. I may not be the first to review it, thank you very much Joystiq, but ala Game Lord, Grand Theft Auto IV scores an easy 9 out of 10. Nice work Rockstar.

Rob Bresser’s Drink of the Month – May 2009

Posted in Drink of the Month with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 8, 2008 by reverendthor

Absolut Citron

Absolut Trouble

1 1/2 oz Absolut® Citron vodka
1 oz Grand Marnier® orange liqueur
1/2 oz grenadine syrup
1 oz orange juice
Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into glass.
Cheers
-The Rev
P.S. Sorry it’s late, hope you enjoyed your Cinco de Mayo!

Cinco de Mayo Commercial

Posted in Random Shit with tags , , , , , , on May 4, 2008 by reverendthor