Ideas for Summer

Yay!  Summer!
Summer is here.  I say this because many of the people who frequent this site are quasi-functional alcoholics and might not be aware of it.  But anyway, in the spirit of promoting wholesome, family fun, here are a list of very cool, very fun things you can do with your entire family!

  • Kill your family.  Really.  They hate you and have been secretly poisoning your coffee for years.
  • Have a pool party.  Get sinfully drunk.  Drown.  Hopefully, you’ll be naked when the paramedics find you.
  • Join a cult.  The economy has gone to shit and you can no longer afford to either eat or put gas in your car.  Clearly, the end times are near.  And just remember; The more often you allow the cult leader to use your butt as a sex toy, the quicker God makes his big return.
  • Take a long bike ride.  Lance Armstrong does this all the time and look what it’s gotten him….testicular cancer and Sheryl Crow.
  • Have a barbecue.  This is just an excuse for you to get drunk, in front of your family, at noon, while you play with fire.
  • Sit around, waiting for me to update this site.  Eventually, you’ll tire of my infrequent, random updates and will develop a methamphetamine addiction.  Eventually, you’ll re-read this post, while all fucked up on meth.  It goes downhill from there, friend.
  • Be gay for a month.  Then, years from now, you can have conversations with your grandchildren and/or care worker that start off with, “So this one summer I decided to be gay for a month….”  This will result in your grandchildren and/or care workers over-medicating you.  See?  Everybody wins!

I have to go get drunk and scream filthy obsenities and the local clergy, now.  When I get back (from jail!) I’ll post some more stuff.  Maybe some Sock Puppet Stories later.  Send me money and I’ll do whatever you want.  Whatever.  All for now, sinners!

-CHEek
www.SockPuppetsFromHell.com
dan@sockpuppetsfromhell.com

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One Response to “Ideas for Summer”

  1. […] – bookmarked by 3 members originally found by dradicke on 2008-10-20 Ideas for Summer https://spfh.wordpress.com/2008/07/11/ideas-for-summer/ – bookmarked by 4 members originally found […]

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