Ideas for Summer

Yay!  Summer!
Summer is here.  I say this because many of the people who frequent this site are quasi-functional alcoholics and might not be aware of it.  But anyway, in the spirit of promoting wholesome, family fun, here are a list of very cool, very fun things you can do with your entire family!

  • Kill your family.  Really.  They hate you and have been secretly poisoning your coffee for years.
  • Have a pool party.  Get sinfully drunk.  Drown.  Hopefully, you’ll be naked when the paramedics find you.
  • Join a cult.  The economy has gone to shit and you can no longer afford to either eat or put gas in your car.  Clearly, the end times are near.  And just remember; The more often you allow the cult leader to use your butt as a sex toy, the quicker God makes his big return.
  • Take a long bike ride.  Lance Armstrong does this all the time and look what it’s gotten him….testicular cancer and Sheryl Crow.
  • Have a barbecue.  This is just an excuse for you to get drunk, in front of your family, at noon, while you play with fire.
  • Sit around, waiting for me to update this site.  Eventually, you’ll tire of my infrequent, random updates and will develop a methamphetamine addiction.  Eventually, you’ll re-read this post, while all fucked up on meth.  It goes downhill from there, friend.
  • Be gay for a month.  Then, years from now, you can have conversations with your grandchildren and/or care worker that start off with, “So this one summer I decided to be gay for a month….”  This will result in your grandchildren and/or care workers over-medicating you.  See?  Everybody wins!

I have to go get drunk and scream filthy obsenities and the local clergy, now.  When I get back (from jail!) I’ll post some more stuff.  Maybe some Sock Puppet Stories later.  Send me money and I’ll do whatever you want.  Whatever.  All for now, sinners!



One Response to “Ideas for Summer”

  1. […] – bookmarked by 3 members originally found by dradicke on 2008-10-20 Ideas for Summer – bookmarked by 4 members originally found […]

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