Archive for the Game Lord Category

Somewhere out there, Jack Thompson is Crying

Posted in Game Lord with tags , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2008 by gamelord

Unless you either live under a rock, or have a chronic fear of the Internet, you know that Grand Theft Auto IV was released on all major consoles. This game has been met in the usual fashion for a GTA game: Incredible admiration and excitement from fans, blame for all the ills of society by people like Jack “The Worlds Biggest Douche-bag” Thompson and the media. Uptight pricks aside, Grand Theft Auto IV is an amazing experience and should be played by anyone who enjoys gaming.

Italian mafia: double check. Black gangster: check. This time around players take control of Serbian, Niko Bellic as he searches for the man who betrayed his army unit. Players will scour the revamped Liberty City(New York), and yes players of GTAIII will still remember the feel of Liberty city, even with it receiving a bit of an overhaul. During their time in the city Niko will meet a wide array of colorful and, at times, amusing characters to take on jobs for ranging from races, bank heists, to murder of rivals.

The series has made a lot of big changes this time around, toning down the humor and putting an almost inordinate amount of detail. Covering everything from locked cars, paying tolls, to actually climbing out of cars that are flipped, GTAIV is amazingly realistic and detailed. The graphics, though aren’t as visually breathtaking as some other games due to come out, are still trully awe-inspiring. Even the people have a surprising amount of detail int hem, in and out of cut-scenes that really makes you appreciate the work Rockstar put in.

The controls have been tweaked and refined but remain true to the classic GTA style, making it easy to pick this game up and play it right from the get-go. However players will have to be a bit more careful in their wheelings and dealings, running through toll booths on the bridges will get the cops after you instantly. However Rockstar added a nifty feature that makes getting from point A to B nice and quickly: You can actually hail a taxi and go to important locations or waypoints you set up. To really drive the point of realism and detail home, players can now make calls on their cell phones, calling up NPCs they’d met and establish friendships and relationships with them resulting in various perks and bonuses like weapons or a taxi whenever you need it.

Now of course it’s not all glitz and glam…you also get to kill the shit out of a lot of people. Honestly, isn’t that why we all play GTA? The targeting system stays true and simple, easy to pick up, not as easy to master. I find it helps to think how every person I kill in the game pisses off Jack Thompson a little more.

Controversy aside, Grand Theft Auto IV is a very good, solid, and fun game. Personally, I’m not crazy about shooting and more ‘real’ games, but GTA is fun, no denying it. There’s also no denying that you’re probably sick of reviews and adds for it. But, I’m here to review games, and I’d be stupid not to review one like GTAIV. I may not be the first to review it, thank you very much Joystiq, but ala Game Lord, Grand Theft Auto IV scores an easy 9 out of 10. Nice work Rockstar.


Save me from this pain!

Posted in Game Lord with tags , , , , , , , on April 30, 2008 by gamelord

So I played this demo off the Playstation Store, for a game called “The Club.” Mistake number one. Sporting a cast of the amazingly lame characters, Sega and Bizarre Creations ass rape of a game just hurts to play. The only enjoyment I got from this poor excuse for a 3rd person shooter was making fun of how bad it was. The games characters made me want to cry, sporting names like Killen, Seager, and Nemo, makes me think that Game Informer will be hard pressed for this year ‘biggest dork’ in their annual award issue. The gameplay was just lazy and twitchy and the camera made me want to shoot someone, even myself just to end the pain. Now I know it was only a demo and is expected to be a bit buggy, but honestly, only years and years of time could make this game passable. If you feel like getting an idea of what cancer might be like, the game is available on the PC, PS3, and Xbox 360, but please note that you have been warned.

Football, Beer, and Jimmy kicks!

Posted in Game Lord with tags , , , , , , , on April 18, 2008 by gamelord

Can there be a better combination? You’d be hard pressed to find one. Yes the sock puppet staff came together and decided to play a little football, in the form of NFL Madden 2008 for the PS3. Yes it was decided that actual football, mixed with alcohol, would lead to too much blood of the innocent being spilled, so we contained the threat to a slightly less contact form. Besides: It’s easier to drink when you’re holding a controller then running and tackling people. So myself, chEEK, The great reverend Thor met up, the teams were picked, the alcohol was served, and the game was on.

There were a few rules to follow in this little tournament, apparently if you chose a team who’s quarterback was Eli Manning, everyone would be required to pee on you. For some as-of-yet unknown reason, nobody picked the Giants. COWARDS! The good reverend chose the ever popular Pittsburgh Steelers, chEEK chose the St, Louis Rams, though was quoted saying “Their quarterback sucks balls but they’ve got an amazing running back. I took up the mantle of the Green Bay Packers and was ready to strike down my enemies. However I wasn’t in the first game, which suited me fine as it left me more time to drink. HAHAHA!!

So the opening contest was set: Thor’s Pittsburgh Steelers, versus chEEK’s St Louis Rams in the Texans Reliant Stadium. Now I was paying more attention to drinking then the game, but I still managed to follow it pretty well. Thor recieved the opening kick off and proceeded to use the Steelers undefeatable strategy of “get the ball to Parker.” This strategy once again proved it’s usefulness as the Steelers took an early lead, scoring on their opening drive. Upon recovering the ball Thor made another drive for the end and walked right in for another touchdown….and I mean WALKED into the end zone. While holding the pass button Big Ben Roethlisberger walked into the end zone, a feet not thought possible. Needless to say this angered chEEK and he started really picking up his game, making a drive right to the end zone…where the ball was quickly intercepted. At thew half, where the score was 14 and 0 Steelers, I conducted a little interview with cheEEK. The Sam Adam’s Irish Red and 007’s told me this was a good idea.

“So what are you feelings on the game so far chEEK?”
“Fuck my Life.”
“Can I quote you on that?”

Truly inspiring words. Well with halftime behind us the game was back on. Thor was eager to make this a “basketball score” and after a fumble almost right after the kick off which resulted in not only a touchdown but a 2 point conversion, this prospect seemed likely to happen. However with a new vigor to prove he does not, in fact, suck monkey balls, chEEK picked up his game by getting his first touchdown of the game, but missing the 2 point conversion. Fortune, however, smiled upon chEEK for after a fumble by the steelers he got a long pass to the end zone and this time got his 2 point conversion. Things heated up with the score 22-14 Steelers and one of the Steelered went and done broked his hip!

Sadly, for chEEK anyway, it was not meant to be. After a touchdown by Hines Ward with almost no time left, it seemed all was over for chEEK. And it was, even after a touchdown by Isaac Bruce, there was nothing more he could do. The final score was a nice 29 Steelers, 20 Rams.

By this point in the night we were eating spaghetti and more worried about drinking, so the tournament didn’t continue. Although I am delighted to say I played a game against my mom and she did quite well. The final score was 22-14 in my favor, but she did very well for a first time. I was so proud…and buzzed…but also proud…but mostly buzzed. That tends to happen when you hang out with people like Thor and chEEK…I love my friends.