Archive for sock puppet stories

Just Another Day…

Posted in Puppet Stories with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 14, 2006 by Dan Cheek

“Just Another Day”
By Dan Cheek
14 July 2006
© Dan Cheek 2006

Just Another Day

Dear Diary, today I learned that no one can hear you scream over the sound of fire alarms, screaming drunks, and exploding bottles of whiskey. But I don’t want to talk about my work right now. Despite my best efforts, I wasn’t able to get hit by a car as I walked home and so I’ll have to go in tomorrow. Life is shit.

Anyway, on to more interesting topics. When I woke up this morning, I came into the living room and found all of the Sock Puppets sitting innocently on the couch. This, as you might imagine, scared the pee out of me and I immediately began my search for a body. I never found one but during my search, I did notice that they attached a timing device to the toilet. It’s counting down and will reach zero by the end of the week. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Remembering the carnage that ensued after my last attempt to disarm one of their, um, projects, I decided to just leave the damn thing there. Honestly, I don’t even care anymore. I’m trying to keep hope alive that maybe it’s just some kind of alarm clock or something, but when I asked them about it they referred to it as the “Doomsday Flush”. Doctor Sanity then began mumbling something about the evil people who work at the sewer authority and how vengeance will finally be served. I really, really hope it’s just an alarm clock.

During dinner, I had my usual conversation with Lost Cause. You know, the one where he tries to convince me of the nutritional value of Windex Milk. He explained to me that not only does it contain calcium, but it is also very effective at removing dead bugs from a windshield. I asked him about his efforts to convince the makers of Windex to introduce a chocolate flavor. He said he didn’t want to talk about it and then walked away. I think I heard him crying as he left.

After dinner, a pair of Jehovah’s Witnesses came to the door while I was watching television. Luckily, Goblin answered the door and ate one of them. The other one, a middle aged woman, was quite brave and did her best to save her partner. She put up an amazing fight, but in the end, lost an arm and both her legs. She managed to drag herself into the closet and found a way to brace the door closed. Those Witnesses are so annoying, I swear. Goblin’s been ramming the closet door for a good three hours straight now, so imagine it will all be over soon. I’ll pick up a new door tomorrow.

I’m very tired now and will end this here. Tomorrow will be here in a few hours. Wish me luck.